Have you ever made a snowball?

I returned to Colombo this weekend, which after 2 months in Matara, feels like the West. remember first arriving here and how it felt so foreign. Now I don't notice the insane traffic swerving around the cows, the mutant dogs with 2 feet and the smell of low grade burning fuel. Instead I am feeling a lack of stares, seeing ads of ladies in tank tops & shorts and smelling pizza which I couldn't resist buying for Nilhu's family as a small thank-you gift- there is no use trying to match with the Sri Lankan hospitality so I just try to accept that and make small gestures here and there.

Never have I seen the benefits of fast food like I do now after seeing women sweating over a stove in the unforgiving heat for 6 hours. At home I try to fight the onslaught of fast food in favour of simple living but here simple living is anything but simple.

Although it can be frustrating to be associated with women from American movies, people in Colombo do have a better understanding of our lifestyles which TV/movies must be given partial credit for. Any understanding of Western, even the bad, means that they understand things are different somewhere else. So while I think there is an overreliance of media sources at home, I see it here as a vehicle for a altering perspective.

Even just the fact that these boys have seen snow on TV means that they have a much bigger understanding of my hobby, snowboarding, whereas you can only begin to try to explain something like that to the girls who are coming to Matara from villages. One boy was so sweet- he asked if I had ever made a snowball because he had seen it on TV but couldn't believe it was possible.

(pic: teaching yoga. i taught Madhu last night, too, and she is very happy because classes here are too expensive but she was so eager to learn).

I can see Mel Gibson shouting it now...

Last week the English teacher was asking me “When comparing our countries, why do you guys always use the word FREEDOM? It is not a matter of freedom, Sri Lankan parents just want to take care of their children.” Then I go to tell people like this that we don’t need to be taken care of because we are much safer, and I remember that actually we have many of the same problems, one just knows how to interact with their own society to avoid them. So here, girls know how to act on the bus to avoid sexual harassment and, in Canada, we know where to go to avoid drug addicts.
There are many issues here that seem way beyond the kind of violence we have at home but then when I think about it these girls would be traumatized if they saw the herion addicts shooting up in Victoria or heard about the gang shootings in Vancouver. They almost see the violence in the West as much worse than here because people are alone to face it.
There are 3 people in the office in their 30’s and for me it is so strange to think that their mom still makes their lunch, but for them it is strange to think that a 17 or 18 year old child would live without parents, not to mention, work! Those that are planning University do not work because they must do very well in high school to be accepted into University. For many of the girls at INDECOS this is their first and only job!
My friend Madhu told me today that her father died, so even though she passed her advance tests, she was going to get a job instead of going to University. Her Uncle knew Conrad though and he gave her a part-time job which helped her through school. She sends about 1000 rupees a month to give her mom food and clothes and pays 1000 to her boarding house, which means when she was in school she would just break even with no spending money! I hope that she is able to get the position in INDECOS that she wants – in the Women’s Entrepreneurship Program- Conrad is reluctant to give her this position because she is educated so is likely to go to the government. But she wants to stay in this job and working in micro-credit & such is really her only chance to travel to Canada (with Uniterra) which is her life ambition.
Although it is wonderful that people have support from family, it also means that children carry such a burden on their shoulders because they are expected to support their parents as their parents have supported them. It is so sad to think that none of these girls- no matter how hard working- will never have enough money to travel on their own accord.
From the first day in Matara I had connected with Conrad & Pearl but it was not until Andy’s visit that I really connected with the Pathirana’s as well. I saw the paternal side of Mr. Pathi, as he announced that if he had a daughter he would want her to be just like Andy. It is funny to hear the observations that other people make. They saw Andy as very young and innocent and Mr. Pathi said I was like her older sister watching over her, haha.
Anyway, last night was his promotion party- he’s now the head of the bank- and we went to a party at a hotel in Weligama. Not only were they offering me whisky but he also encouraged me to use the pool- I was like “uh, I don’t really want to be the only one to go swimming,” and he was like- “now, stop thinking like a Sri Lankan.” I think they liked- no, loved- Andy’s care-free Westernism and are now trying to keep it alive.
I also had a great conversation with Mr. Pathi about women + freedom, much like the conversation I’d had with Conrad about women + choice. He definitely recognizes the limitations of his society and knows that many of the issues are third world ones (corrupt gov’t, desperation and crime), others are also cultural constructs (women= 1 husband). He tells me that so many girls commit suicide because of the men that they have been forced to marry. They do not have the option to marry again and no man would want her. And the crazy thing is that it is rare to find men like Pathi who feel that there is something wrong with this. Even Conrad is still teaching the children that divorce, which is now becoming more common in Colombo, is society’s BIGGEST problem.

CHoiCE

Andy’s visit was a great little infusion of Western living but as soon as she left I got rick back to being a Sri Lankan girl which has got me thinking a lot about choice. When I have my Western spectacles on I think it is simple- we are lucky that we have so many choices. But, when I think about it I can also see why they think we are so unfortunate, having to make so many choices alone. Whenever I am speaking to someone about the choice I have each day they always say that it is not an issue of freedom, but about having other people to support you in every decision. I still have to lean towards the individualism though because, although it sounds good, it seems the family is more often making the decision for you than “helping” you make it.
For example, at INDECOS they do not want people with education. The reason is because once someone gets a degree they apply to the gov’t and they might not here back from them for years. There is one woman at INDECOS who didn’t want to take the gov’t job that was offered years after she finished school because she loved working at INDECOS but her family and husband told her she had to. Even though it pays less, there’s always that pension clincher.
Andy made a good point that parents in Canada equip you with a tool box to make choices instead of making them for you. Still, the Sri Lankan’s are right about our lack of unity... we might sit at the office for hours and not talk to anyone- in this office there is rarely silence as each room has 2 or 3 people working together on the same project. If a problem comes up the weight is distributed across more than one set of shoulders. But, although the women here are doing such empowering work in the office, there is no denying that their personal lives are very much run by men. This weekend, for example, Madhu’s boyfriend is coming from another town so that Conrad, her boss (and a father figure to her), can meet and approve of him. She is nervous because if he decided he didn’t like him, it would be over.
Anyway, I think it is kind of ironic that I ended up here in a place where women don’t even want to choose the meal to make when at home I have so many big choices to be making- what do I want to do for a career? Do I want to do more school? Marry? Where do I want to live? And here I am in Sri Lanka, having no idea what the day ahead holds, wondering what I will get for lunch and which house I will be sleeping at in the night. At work I often have no idea what I will be or even should be doing. And as for what I will be doing days ahead of time I have to leave that up to Conrad or Lord Buddha or whoev.
PS They say they are going to get broadband internet at INDECOS but they still have to apply. This means, of course, that it might not happen while I am here. It took Mr. Pathi 14 years after his application for a phone line to receive the approval. For 14 years he had a phone in his house that didn’t work so he would have to use the neighbours.

ANDELA!

Andy came down to visit me this long weekend before she heads home... it has been so FANTASTIC! Yesterday the Pathi's took us on a trip to a quiet beach where the president stays and we had lunch... it was so nice to finally go to the beach and it is SO beautiful!
Last night was Rohan's birthday party which was great... Nilhu made one of her infamous cakes and we had a great singing and music session.
Today we went down to Polhena and had a great time snorkelling! I took the advice of an old volunteer and stopped in to rent the gear from a hotel called Blue Corals. As she had said the man was very very nice and took us on a tour. He wanted to give us a deal for knowing Vivian but we would not take it because we knew that his opportunity to do tours did not come around often... oh ya, we were the only white people there, and in bikinis mind you, so we were quite the hit. Haha, but of course, Rohan Aiyaa was there watching to make sure all was well. Haha, Andy has been so surprised about how you are watched over here... I think it would be much harder for her because she is so independent. On the other hand, she has also seen what an amazing experience I have had down here actually becoming part of a Sri Lankan family because she did not have any sort of network in Kandy.
She is also so amazed by the beach- they're calling her Ocean Beauty now because she won't get out of the water, ahah. Anyway, after our experience I now know where the beach is and I know there are some good people to watch me swim so I will go again for sure!
We also ate lunch at the hotel and had drinks... haha, Andy had Arrack (local hard alcohol) which is very shocking to these people to see a girl drink but we didn't really care because we wanted to be tourists all the way.
Anyway, we're off to the temple now!

Not being thrown out of country! Woot Woot!

Certificate came in the mail today!!! I might even get by without the fine! Thought I'd throw a random pic on to make this entry worthwhile. This is Conrad and Pearl's son, my Aiyaa, Rohan.

MCC Party and Certificate Dilemna

Sunday was the MCC’s 1st year anniversary and it was so much fun! The children from the local boys and girls orphanages came and the MCC children performed for them. The pre-school kids and the older girls did various songs & dances and there was even a young mime. All of the kids wanted to touch my skin and get photos with me. I was also wearing my friend Madhu’s sari so the INDECOS girls also wanted pics with me.
It was funny when at one point all the kids had a little dance party. Again, I cannot express how funny it is to see the men dance here! There is really not much difference between the way the boys and girls dance so you see the boys making the eyes and shaking their hips. I will just have to show you the footage when I get home. There is just no way to fully describe it.
For some bad news... WUSC SL called Friday to say they were going to have to send me back to Canada. You see, after a few days of being in Colombo, Andy and I were both asked for our grad certificates which they said they needed in order to get our work permits. We were both like, say what? Of course, we had no idea that a gov’t would need these... and even in a week of training this was never mentioned to us by WUSC. There was a point were I had to scan the certificate to Ottawa but this was very early on so I thought it had to do with my acceptance into the program.
Anyway, I knew as soon as I heard that I needed this certificate that this was going to be a hassle. I called Aaron right away and told him that I needed the original certificate asap. I told him that it was in my closet in a picture frame but he didn’t see it so I said check the file cabinet “ok, I found it.” The one with the gold star, right? Not a photocopy.”
“Ya, I think so.”
“No. I need the original. Does it have a different material gold star?’
“uh, ya.”
It took almost 2 weeks to arrive and then a few days after that WUSC SL noticed... it was a photocopy.
A good one but still a photocopy.
They phoned me saying this is a major problem and if they don’t get it soon I will be illegal.
So I have to wake up Aaron at 2 am to tell him, “I was sure it was in my closet in a big frame. It’s not there.”
“oh, found it.”
“Ok, please send this as fast as possible because I am going to be illegal soon.”
He sends it regular mail.
So here I am in Sri Lanka, being told that Canadians don’t take things seriously and that not only will I be sent back but I will have to pay $50 a day for everyday I’ve been illegal. Luckily for me, this problem is now on hold because Conrad has a friend who is going to speak to the director of immigration for me this week so I will be able to at least get this process started before the certificate arrives. I might still have to pay at least $300. It is worth it for this trip but it is another reality check about this NGO.
I encourage you to volunteer- it has been an experience beyond anything I could have ever imagined, but you have to be the kind of person who can roll with the punches when things aren’t looking good, AND ASK WUSC questions. If I had asked Sylvie why she needed my education certificate I would have discovered that it was to send to Sri Lanka and then I would have found out that some countries require this so that they can make sure you are an asset they need. I think the solution to this communication problem is to learn all that you can from another volunteer about your specific country because I never got to speak with anyone who specifically handled Sri Lanka. So, if you want to contact me when I get home about volunteering here, please do.
In addition to the this certificate I have also been waiting all month to receive my original contract from WUSC CA which the gov’t also needs a signed copy of in order to finish my permit process.
Even with all this stress though, Harshani mentioned again that I should stat for a year and it is not totally out of the question. I wish it was more like 6 months though because I know I am eventually going to start to miss home. But at home I will miss everything here, too. Everything except for waking up thinking that house is on fire because of the burning plastic smell searing into my lungs. Oh ya, and the honking. And the endless rice to accompany the lack of exercise and constant sweating and the burned skin in my mouth from the chillies, often diced up and hiding in the deceivingly inoffensive looking yellow sauce. Ok, so maybe not everything.

the homecoming...culture shock or admiration...not sure which

The homecoming (like another reception) was very at a beautiful location and the bride and groom looked amazing. It also led me to some big epiphanies.
In Canada, marriage means you gain a few in-laws- you will now have a new set of parents and a sibling or two, right? Well here, it is literally two families, cousins and everything, joining to make a whole new unit. It is difficult to explain how interwoven these families become- mostly why they see divorce is such a terrible thing- they don’t like to break up the family.
As the brides family walked in behind the bride they each bowed to & had their heads touched by the groom’s parents. When we went inside there was then a ceremony performed by a village person where he is asking the other family if they will accept her into their home. I had been under the impression that this was for a week or two but now I understand that this could be, especially if you are the youngest son who inherits the house, forever! If the family has money then they build the older sons new houses. It is so hard for me to grasp this that you are a child until you are married. Your mother makes sure you have all your meals and your father often finding you a husband.
Then you become the wife/ daughter in a new family.
Not only do you never make choices like who your husband will be or where you want to live but I am talking about never making ANY choices! Until you are married, your parents will tell you what you are doing the next day and at what time and once married your husband or his family will tell you. As far as I can see, you don’t even choose what you want for dinner- you ask what you should make.
And, when we arrived home at 3am you’d think that everyone would be eager to get to bed but what do I hear outside my bedroom door- Pearl cooking! I was concerned about having just a short 5 hour sleep ahead of me and here they are thinking about food. They both slept for only an hour and woke up at 5am- Pearl to do laundry and Conrad to work. I really don’t get why for once they can’t just have toast for breakfast??? There have been times when Pearl has said that we would “just have bread” but what she always seemed to mean when she said that was bread with butter, rice, dhal and plantains. I don’t think there is such thing as a simple meal.
I cannot explain to you how much food is valued and sleep is devalued here- the mattresses and like 30 years old and you are lucky if you get the ones where springs dig into your back because the other ones are just rock hard. I won’t even describe the pillows.
Anyway, there is a lot of talk here about how the Western countries have so much divorce. And I totally agree with them on that but they see it like a virus and are scared that it is making it’s way over to their country. They think the couple is just selfish, not thinking about their children but they really don’t get the fact that a child can be just as damaged by growing up in a house where the parents dislike each other. I guess they don’t see that as a possibility- if the horoscope matched and the families agreed they were a suitable match why wouldn’t they be?
Again, it is too difficult to explain the whole context from which they view an individual’s personalities. In Canada, we think of each person with a different set of habits, interests, character flaws, goals, norms, mind set, etc. Here, you are your family.
On one hand, I see that everyone is happy with this- they feel connected at all times and don’t feel attachment to their ego because they don’t think of themselves as an individual. For example, the girls will ask me which one is fatter. Like us, they don’t want to be fat but, unlike us, they don’t have any attachment to being thin so they don’t see the question as being offensive. I now have them using the word “full-figured” now because I refused to answer the question otherwise. They must think I am so strange.
I won’t get to the other hand.
We might have similar questions surrounding a marriage but the main difference is that the parents here will simply say no to a match because the boy or girls family lives too far away or are just not rich enough! We think this is shallow but in a third world country it's about security & survival.

She pulls out Mr.Bean!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUDY! Hope you have a great one!
The wedding was so fantastic- I can’t believe how beautiful the Galle Face hall was! Fiona & Hugh: you guys are so lucky to have stayed there!!! I was also a little jealous of the tourists who were wearing bikinis & sipping cocktails by the pools but I could also see from the Sri Lankan way- what a strange way to spend your time! I was proud to be Sri Lankan- giggling with the ladies in the bathroom about the discomfort of the sari, and joining in the wedding ceremony 100%- I mean, how funny is it that I sat with the wedding party? Because I am Pearl’s duwa (daughter), and the groom is her son-in-laws brother, I am also a relative. Just check out this picture where I am right in with the bride and groom! I was in the professional ones, too!
The ceremony was really interesting with the Kandyan dancers and chanting and the fire lighting and all, and unlike our usual ceremonies it didn’t drag on for more than about ½ an hour. But after this was the usual photo time and the bride and groom have to go to each table to be congratulated so lunch wasn’t for a couple of hours. When it finally came I was soooooo badiginny (hungry) and there was so much delicious food. I also got re-acquainted with my old friend the fork. And I was the only one using it. Some held on to their culture, and the rice with their hand, and others used a combination of two spoons.
Wearing the sari was nice because the hotel was air-conditioned, but as soon as I got outside I felt like I was going to suffocate from either the heat or explode at the stomach - the sari has a way of digging in to your organs after a good meal and especially the thick wedding sari is not exactly made with comfort in mind. To relieve my pain, I very discreetly made a change in the backseat- it was not so easy in a pin-filled sari but I thought I was quite masterful. When we stopped soon after Pearl was about to ask if I wanted to get out to change- but when she turned around she saw that I already was.
“You’re crazy!” she said and I think she was a little mad. But later, she began laughing “you are like Mr.Bean, brushing his teeth and changing in his car. Like Mr. Bean!” I told her how my mom called me Ellie May Clampett and made my best attempt to explain.
Anyways, on my way home I thought about how insanely well I am being treated. I got the trip to Colombo and participation at a beautiful wedding without anyone accepting a cent. I am going on Weds to the homecoming though (party after the wedding) so I will have to bring something small. I was also chatting with Rohan and explaining to him that the experience was unlike any I could have ever imagined. I hope anyone who is considering volunteering in SL understands how safe they will feel once they are here and how glad they will be that they came. Every volunteer who has come to SL so far has extended their stay! Do it, do it!

Even monks are all about chocolate

Today there was an Almsgiving celebration at my house. The celebration marks the death of Pathi’s father.
Preparations for this event began weeks ago- when they started painting the house and last night guests arrived to start cooking. This morning when I woke up at 6:30, even more people stirred around in the kitchen- some came all the way from Colombo, driving 5 hours, to get blessed. Of these people were some French visitors- some worked in the French Embassy and others for Red Cross, so it was nice to speak with them. And wait with them for the monks- it was like Christmas morning or something.
When they finally arrived (Sir Lankan style- 45 min late) they had their feet washed and then they entered the house. Everyone prayed and then the monks ate. Not just ate but ate... A LOT! First, they had a vegetable plate with vegetable soup, then rice with various curries and fish, then a fruit plate, then dessert- you can see for yourself what that looked like. I don’t know why I found it so amusing that among all the baked goods was a mini dairy milk bar.
They don’t eat all of the food. They offer them these plates and they can eat what they want from it and the rest gets thrown away. What is left from the food they refused goes to the poor. I found this whole thing fascinating. It’s strange to see the little boy monks and wonder whether they even knew what they were getting themselves into when they “signed up.” Anyway, soon after the monks eating, they were served coffee and then they headed back to the temple. Next if was out turn to eat! At first I wondered how 100 people were going to be fed but I guess I underestimated the supply because it was actually pretty ridiculous how much food there was! Ahah, Pearl and I laughed at how full some of the plates were. And the buffet was never ending- over the next hour more and more people came, loading up their plates more than the last.
After the event, I went back to Pearl’s and we ironed out Sari’s. Sounds like a 10 minute process right? Try 3 hours! I’m beginning to wonder if I will ever be able to wear this at home because I don’t have that kind of dedication to clothing. I am getting another one made though and it should be much more simple because of the material (fingers crossed).

Lord Buddha’s Wish

When I am in the house watching a movie I feel like I could just as easily be at home, but then I will remember that the mosquito on my leg might give me denque and, if I want to wash my dish I’ll have to go outside which means I must first find my key to unlock the door, along with the 2 bolts.
Rich is so different here. As I said with the poor people dressing very well and having cell phones, the rich people have mould on their walls, ants on their kitchen counter, and cockroaches in their bathrooms.
I was talking to Rohan (or Aiyaa, older brother) and he was explaining to me they eat meat because the Buddhist writings say they can’t kill another living thing but doesn’t mention eating it if someone else has killed it.
Lucky for me both my weekday and weekend families eat mostly fish only in their curry so it suits me well. The food blows my mind at every meal. Most of the time Pearl spends about 2 hours making red rice, dhal & coconut curry. For a change she makes rotti or hoppers (like a thin pancake with an egg in the center). The meals are very healthy if you avoid the sugary tea and ice cream they try to load you up with after. They also LOVE to feed you plantains. “Eat some plantains” they say after almost every tea, which is 4 or 5 times a day.
The gender thing is bugging me a bit, mostly the fact that men drink and women can’t (they say they don’t want to but if it was that simple then they wouldn’t be criticizing the ones that do). Sometimes I hold my tongue, more because it will take more effort to translate my opinion than to avoid offending. Pearl understands that there are pros and cons for both cultures. For example, she doesn’t judge what Western girls wear because I think she gets that women are safer in Canada. But, she did say that her daughter and the INDECOS girls would never be silly enough to wear a bathing suit.
And she also made a comment once about how they would not be silly enough to marry an uneducated man. It’s hard to explain that my bf is not university educated and that I am. I guess the fact that University tuition is covered by government scholarships means that University graduates have more money, rather than less, and are guaranteed to get a better job. You definitely see the caste system still, showing up in how people talk to each other and where they eat, but mostly in marriage. Even more powerful than the caste, though, is the horoscope. Parents would not permit “children” to marry unless the horoscope matches well.
Pearl and Conrad were actually an exception because they dated secretly for 10 years, not caring what anyone said, before they finally convinced their parents to let them marry. The problem for them was not the usual horoscope dilemma but the fact that they are first cousins! I don’t think they think as much about this because believing in reincarnation it just makes sense to them that they would know each other already. Part of Pearl’s prayers every night actually includes asking to be with Conrad and her children in the next life. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s throwing me in the prayer mix now too because she says that travellers like me are people looking for family from the birth before.
Partly this experience makes me want to volunteer everywhere and partly it makes me not want to go to any other assignment – another country or even town, because I think I am being spoiled to the max with this one. It’s partly the Sri Lankan People’s hospitality in general but, in addition to this, I think it is this particular family that I somehow was lucky fell into.
Pearl always laughs when I talk about luck, “Not luck. Lord Buddha’s wish. We tink like tat.”

Two lunches to punish my tastebuds even more!

So I am going to the wedding on Sunday in Colombo which will be really cool and I am getting 2 saris made by Pearl's tailor, one to wear to the wedding and the other for New Years (April 12 & 13). I am still loving it here but I am hoping Andy will come and visit me because I could use some Canadian interaction. I am good friends with the girls at work but at night I have nothing to do because they are all home cooking and cleaning! Pearl keeps saying she is going to teach me to cook but she is always to busy cooking for others to teach.

Nilu's food seems to be getting hotter every time so either she is easing me in or my tastebuds are getting angrier. It's funny how Nilu and Pearl both send me a lunch everyday, ahah, even if I try to resist! I just can't get over the fact that you are a child until you marry. Pearl's daughters room is covered with cartoon characters but she is a married adult! Pearl told me the other day she thinks parents in Canada are bad for not caring about their children at a certain age- she can't believe the parents wouldn't give their daughter a dowry and their son a house!

I made some noodles last night to get a break from the rice but I am kind of craving something a little further from a starchy substance so I might go to a tourist hotel after work one of these nights. It's interesting how different it is to travel as a tourist, a backpacker, and then a volunteer. This is definitely my style! You get all the luxuries- rides, a place to stay, etc. of a tourist but all the inside knowledge of a real traveller.

Anyway, I'm getting in a good habit of doing yoga and now that I am familiar with the area I think I will see if I can take some classes.