Andy’s visit was a great little infusion of Western living but as soon as she left I got rick back to being a Sri Lankan girl which has got me thinking a lot about choice. When I have my Western spectacles on I think it is simple- we are lucky that we have so many choices. But, when I think about it I can also see why they think we are so unfortunate, having to make so many choices alone. Whenever I am speaking to someone about the choice I have each day they always say that it is not an issue of freedom, but about having other people to support you in every decision. I still have to lean towards the individualism though because, although it sounds good, it seems the family is more often making the decision for you than “helping” you make it.
For example, at INDECOS they do not want people with education. The reason is because once someone gets a degree they apply to the gov’t and they might not here back from them for years. There is one woman at INDECOS who didn’t want to take the gov’t job that was offered years after she finished school because she loved working at INDECOS but her family and husband told her she had to. Even though it pays less, there’s always that pension clincher.
Andy made a good point that parents in Canada equip you with a tool box to make choices instead of making them for you. Still, the Sri Lankan’s are right about our lack of unity... we might sit at the office for hours and not talk to anyone- in this office there is rarely silence as each room has 2 or 3 people working together on the same project. If a problem comes up the weight is distributed across more than one set of shoulders. But, although the women here are doing such empowering work in the office, there is no denying that their personal lives are very much run by men. This weekend, for example, Madhu’s boyfriend is coming from another town so that Conrad, her boss (and a father figure to her), can meet and approve of him. She is nervous because if he decided he didn’t like him, it would be over.
Anyway, I think it is kind of ironic that I ended up here in a place where women don’t even want to choose the meal to make when at home I have so many big choices to be making- what do I want to do for a career? Do I want to do more school? Marry? Where do I want to live? And here I am in Sri Lanka, having no idea what the day ahead holds, wondering what I will get for lunch and which house I will be sleeping at in the night. At work I often have no idea what I will be or even should be doing. And as for what I will be doing days ahead of time I have to leave that up to Conrad or Lord Buddha or whoev.
PS They say they are going to get broadband internet at INDECOS but they still have to apply. This means, of course, that it might not happen while I am here. It took Mr. Pathi 14 years after his application for a phone line to receive the approval. For 14 years he had a phone in his house that didn’t work so he would have to use the neighbours.
For example, at INDECOS they do not want people with education. The reason is because once someone gets a degree they apply to the gov’t and they might not here back from them for years. There is one woman at INDECOS who didn’t want to take the gov’t job that was offered years after she finished school because she loved working at INDECOS but her family and husband told her she had to. Even though it pays less, there’s always that pension clincher.
Andy made a good point that parents in Canada equip you with a tool box to make choices instead of making them for you. Still, the Sri Lankan’s are right about our lack of unity... we might sit at the office for hours and not talk to anyone- in this office there is rarely silence as each room has 2 or 3 people working together on the same project. If a problem comes up the weight is distributed across more than one set of shoulders. But, although the women here are doing such empowering work in the office, there is no denying that their personal lives are very much run by men. This weekend, for example, Madhu’s boyfriend is coming from another town so that Conrad, her boss (and a father figure to her), can meet and approve of him. She is nervous because if he decided he didn’t like him, it would be over.
Anyway, I think it is kind of ironic that I ended up here in a place where women don’t even want to choose the meal to make when at home I have so many big choices to be making- what do I want to do for a career? Do I want to do more school? Marry? Where do I want to live? And here I am in Sri Lanka, having no idea what the day ahead holds, wondering what I will get for lunch and which house I will be sleeping at in the night. At work I often have no idea what I will be or even should be doing. And as for what I will be doing days ahead of time I have to leave that up to Conrad or Lord Buddha or whoev.
PS They say they are going to get broadband internet at INDECOS but they still have to apply. This means, of course, that it might not happen while I am here. It took Mr. Pathi 14 years after his application for a phone line to receive the approval. For 14 years he had a phone in his house that didn’t work so he would have to use the neighbours.
3 comments:
Choices? Well perhaps it is not that one or other is right. There is a time and place for individualism and also a time and place for needing/wanting/giving support. Perhaps this is what you are discovering? Extremes of either are not healthy. Finding balance is important.
Too bad you did not get to Kandy while Andy was there. I hope you will get to see some other parts of that beautiful country.
Keep well. Ayubowan!
Yay, I have another friend! Haha.
Yes, I have always loved the notion of balance.
However, the very idea of balance is something that is so subjective.
In Canada, you might call your friends more or visit your family more but you could never create the network that they have here because in order to do that you would have to change the way others treat you which is impossible.
And, in Sri Lanka, only those that have lived abroad have an idea of what individualism is because, even those that have seen tourists are seeing them act within a SL setting and, you can only know what you've seen for yourself.
You know?
Thanks for writing, keep the good comments coming!
Oh, and about seeing the country- everyone here is saying the same thing "you have no time, no?" but with the travel ban and being very busy I probably won't get to Kandy. I am ok with that though because the experience has been so rich as it is, I couldn't imagine it being any better.
Also, I am planning to come back one day, maybe even retire!
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