I can see Mel Gibson shouting it now...

Last week the English teacher was asking me “When comparing our countries, why do you guys always use the word FREEDOM? It is not a matter of freedom, Sri Lankan parents just want to take care of their children.” Then I go to tell people like this that we don’t need to be taken care of because we are much safer, and I remember that actually we have many of the same problems, one just knows how to interact with their own society to avoid them. So here, girls know how to act on the bus to avoid sexual harassment and, in Canada, we know where to go to avoid drug addicts.
There are many issues here that seem way beyond the kind of violence we have at home but then when I think about it these girls would be traumatized if they saw the herion addicts shooting up in Victoria or heard about the gang shootings in Vancouver. They almost see the violence in the West as much worse than here because people are alone to face it.
There are 3 people in the office in their 30’s and for me it is so strange to think that their mom still makes their lunch, but for them it is strange to think that a 17 or 18 year old child would live without parents, not to mention, work! Those that are planning University do not work because they must do very well in high school to be accepted into University. For many of the girls at INDECOS this is their first and only job!
My friend Madhu told me today that her father died, so even though she passed her advance tests, she was going to get a job instead of going to University. Her Uncle knew Conrad though and he gave her a part-time job which helped her through school. She sends about 1000 rupees a month to give her mom food and clothes and pays 1000 to her boarding house, which means when she was in school she would just break even with no spending money! I hope that she is able to get the position in INDECOS that she wants – in the Women’s Entrepreneurship Program- Conrad is reluctant to give her this position because she is educated so is likely to go to the government. But she wants to stay in this job and working in micro-credit & such is really her only chance to travel to Canada (with Uniterra) which is her life ambition.
Although it is wonderful that people have support from family, it also means that children carry such a burden on their shoulders because they are expected to support their parents as their parents have supported them. It is so sad to think that none of these girls- no matter how hard working- will never have enough money to travel on their own accord.
From the first day in Matara I had connected with Conrad & Pearl but it was not until Andy’s visit that I really connected with the Pathirana’s as well. I saw the paternal side of Mr. Pathi, as he announced that if he had a daughter he would want her to be just like Andy. It is funny to hear the observations that other people make. They saw Andy as very young and innocent and Mr. Pathi said I was like her older sister watching over her, haha.
Anyway, last night was his promotion party- he’s now the head of the bank- and we went to a party at a hotel in Weligama. Not only were they offering me whisky but he also encouraged me to use the pool- I was like “uh, I don’t really want to be the only one to go swimming,” and he was like- “now, stop thinking like a Sri Lankan.” I think they liked- no, loved- Andy’s care-free Westernism and are now trying to keep it alive.
I also had a great conversation with Mr. Pathi about women + freedom, much like the conversation I’d had with Conrad about women + choice. He definitely recognizes the limitations of his society and knows that many of the issues are third world ones (corrupt gov’t, desperation and crime), others are also cultural constructs (women= 1 husband). He tells me that so many girls commit suicide because of the men that they have been forced to marry. They do not have the option to marry again and no man would want her. And the crazy thing is that it is rare to find men like Pathi who feel that there is something wrong with this. Even Conrad is still teaching the children that divorce, which is now becoming more common in Colombo, is society’s BIGGEST problem.