Thursday, May 22, 2008
Back Home
On Tuesday, I had the best massage of my life at an ayurvedic hospital and then in the aft I helped make a lantern which is hung in the yard of every house in the city. Hanging out in Colombo was a great way to slowly ease back into Western life and to prepare for my 30 hours of travel back home.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
This could be my final post
At night I went for my last dinner at Conrad and Pearl's :( In my final attempt to get even with these Sri Lankan's I gave some good gifts- I gave Pearl a Pearl necklace, Nilu small diamond earings, a wallet and belt for Pathi & shoes for Conrad (I know it sounds random but that was the girls suggestion).
Sometime last week when I was trying to decide to do with my last few days I saw Andrea (my Norwiegen friend who Aaron and I stayed with in Italy). I asked her what she was up to, thinking I might go see her, and she said she wanted to come to Colombo. Within minutes she booked her flight (love this girl) and we met this friday night. We had good tourist times- temples, cocktails, expensive seafood and shopping. It had to be done in order to get me prepped to get back into my consuming Canadian lifestyle, plus I felt ok about spending a little since I had saved so much over the past 4 months. So it was fun. But now she is gone and I am just chillin. I think I will lay low tomorrow and then on Tues I will join Nilhu's family (my Colombo family) to celebrate Vesak (Buddha's bday).
So that's where I'm at.
See you soon!!!!
Monday, May 12, 2008
MORE generosity
I have been wondering what can I possibly get as a gift for Pathi and Nilu to thank them for the way they have welcomed me into their home. It seems like as time goes on they just go more and more out of their way to accomodate me. Pathi was trying so hard to get me a cheap tour of Bangkok (booked by the time I got to it) and to help me buy a suitcase- eating a very late dinner so that he can take me shopping at night, etc.
They had told me awhile ago that they new a good jeweller and I was interested because I know gems here are much cheaper so I had been thinking about buying something for Nilu. So when I got home last night I was helping Nilu on Facebook and out of no where they present my with a bag. I open it up and I am blown away ... while I had been trying to figure out how the heck I could get them back for their hospitality, kindness and friendship, they had gone out and bought ME a Ceylon Blue Sapphire ring! Craziness! Craziness!
Friday, May 9, 2008
My Favorite Kind of Travel
I enjoyed the sightseeing in Europe, the beach-lounging in Mexico, the girl bonding in Australia, the spiritual quest in Costa Rica but this has been a different kind of travel. You are not whipping around, visiting each city for one day, in a comfortable tour bus, nor are you drinking with new found one-day friends in an unfamiliar hostel. You also don’t have to chase after something called “culture,” to show that you did indeed visit this place. In have been a culprit myself of collecting junk- key chains, photoframes, jewellery... of trying to get a picture of myself to capture this new environment for others to see...
This time around, I have become the culture. I will put no longer cringe at chillies in my food, I've started to speak at a new rate (after months of trying to be heard properly and competing with the British accent they are used to), and I will crave the cheek to cheek embrace with everyone I meet. This will be the proof.
I’ve discovered this new kind of travel now where you can settle in somewhere, build relationships with people, get to know another culture first hand, and work. Being busy with something meaningful is the key (and volunteering is so great because even if some of the daily tasks don’t seem meaningful your presence alone is probably making some impact).
Maybe I will again someday sip cocktails under the hot sun in a five star hotel, I will probably seek out natural wonders and shop in foreign cities, but what I have discovered here is something far better- it is like the next species in the evolution of the travel world. In the West we are either to busy to feel anything or we are desperately seeking… how do I live in the moment? Through this experience I have found the answer.
You don’t need to purposely do less or move more slowly through life to find contentment. You just need to find a place where you feel that you are achieving something and you need to be fully there. I guess what I'm saying is you don't have to seek out or reach for anything to be happy, you just need to take the chance and care for others, accept what they offer you and smile.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
packing it up and packing it in
I wanted to write the WEP Proposal, for example, but I don't see how it is possible as I still have not got any of the info I need. There is also so much training that I could do with the girls, and they are eager, but they just don't have the time. And I won't even get started on Conrad's schedule. As long as I get the brochures done though (also difficult without all the right info though!).
PS Here is a good article that Fiona sent to me about the current political/economic situation: http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2008/may/02/srilanka?gusrc=rss&feed=networkfront
Thotamuna Irangani
I am thinking back now to my group in our communications class- we did a presentation where we asked the two girls from Shangdong in our group to do a skit about the Canadian class environment. The next day we laughed so hard when we watched what they had come up with: "Students very bad" one girl said to the other, "put feet on desk, talk when teacher talking, eat food during class, call teacher by first name... they are like barbarians!" Now that I have seen their learning environments I can see for myself the unsubtle difference.
After the class we went to see a woman named Irangani who is a Tsunami affected woman that INDECOS and WUSC/Uniterra have found out about and would like to try to help.
This woman was actually rich before the Tsunami and lived alone comfortably, supported by her siblings and the inheritance from her parents. When the Tsunami hit her house was pretty much destroyed and she broke her arm in 3 places. While she was in the hospital, her house was looted and everything she owned was taken. She has no livelihood so no savings from which she can improve these appalling living conditions.
Harshani's idea is to at least build her a bedroom, so she is no longer sleeping on the porch, a bathroom and a front door that she can lock. If you are interested in contributing, let me know and I will send you Harshani's contact info!
Monday, April 28, 2008
Sick in Sri Lanka
After four days of being sick, my cough had not let up, so in a paranoid state that I have some crazy Sri Lankan disease I agreed to see the doctor.
So I am picturing going to a doctors office, waiting in line for half an hour, signing in, waiting another hour before I see him or her and then getting my prescription to take to a pharmacy where it will be documented on my file and the doctor's details confirmed.
But apparently I'm not in Sidney anymore. I walked 10 steps to the neighbour's house (Pathi`s niece is a doctor), had a prescription 5 minutes later and went to the pharmacy 2 minutes away to wait 2 more min while he gathered together the meds. So the total process was about 10 minutes from the time I wanted drugs till the time I had them. And how much it costs for 2 kinds of antibiotics, a throat rinse and a cough syrup.... 6 bucks.
Haha, so accessing pharmaceuticals is the one system that is efficient here... hmmm... oh, good for me!
PS I'm feeling better already!
Saturday, April 19, 2008
questions
The Pathi's were in Colombo this weekend so Madhu slept over last night. She is such a sweetie. We made Dhal and pasta and I helped her with her resume. In the morning, simply out of habit, she ironed my clothes and made my bed! She is used to living in a boarding room with 12 other girls and just 6 beds! And because she has a job while the others are still students she is the one who buys home rice and curry for the other girls to eat.
She is very good at English so I could chat with her ”very well,” as they say. The girls and Nilhu often say, after chatting with me, "oooh, we cover lot." I think they are used to discussing food, family and clothes, not arranged marriage, oppression and corruption. But because I am not here for long I have to cover a lot of ground so I get right in there with the sensitive topics. I know I can't change the culture but if I can give one girl even a spark of insight maybe they will develop a slightly more liberal way of seeing things, just as they have taught me a more united way to see things.
But these girls know that their culture is not the only way, and they know that in some cases it is not the best way, and still they respond to every issue with, “this is our culture.” Sometimes I think it is not unawareness I am fighting but their adamant belief in fate.
I feel like I have made some headway with one girl. Even as a University educated woman she says that it is a woman’s fault if she is sexually assaulted...what was she wearing & why was she walking alone? And if someone is abused by her husband she should be working harder to take away the alcohol and to create a “happy” family. But I think what she says is different from what she believes because I think she knows from experience that the “happy family concept” they teach is more condescending than helpful. She is just afraid to voice her opinion here about that to Sir.
Where many of our Universities teach you about how to challenge authority these teachers are still just coming in & lecturing facts without posing or answering any questions. During class my friend worked at INDECOS and would get filled in by her classmates later. She says she is very lucky to be able to get this job with INDECOS because many people from the village do not have these opportunities. She also had help from her brothers so she is now thinking about helping them as they come from a home with no water or electricity. By the way, not only is she trying to help her school friends, her mother, and her brothers, she is also sponsoring a girl she met from a far away village to go to University because the girl reminded her of herself. There is just no end to the generosity with some folks here.
She is also very eager because I told her if we wrote the story of these girls with pictures I could make a brochure to bring back to Canada to find sponsors. I know through World Vision sponsoring a child is $35 a month because a lot of that is going to the organization but because INDECOS doesn’t take any of the money, supporting these students would only cost $6 a month, or $60.00 for the year!
Monday, April 14, 2008
A New Years Without Champagne
There are no broken glass or champagne covered ceilings at this New Years, folks!
Anyway, over the four days we have many visitors and have also make visits to the houses of close friends. There you exchange gifts (like Christmas) & eat 'sweets and tings.' I have already accumulated a bit of a belly so hopefully after these four days I won't be 10 pounds heavier!!!
I also found a guitar so I have been shaking up the old music circle with a little Jewel and a little Van.
Anyway, my biggest epiphany of the trip came when I gave them their gifts. After all the meals they had given me and all the gifts along the way- not to mention the New Years dress Pearl had made for me and the jewellery from Aiyaa- still when I gave them a piece of clothing each they said “oh, you have spent too much!”
But the best part was when they opened the poem and note I wrote for them with a laminated with a photo of us. “Yup. Together before the birt,” Pearl said “that’s why I’m like dis” pointing to the tears.
That’s when I realized I am Buddhist because I also believe that I’ve been here before.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
A Friday and Full of Epiphanies
Always good to talk to a fellow Canadian. Had so many epiphanies while he was here. We were talking to Kamani from INDECOS about the divorce question and she said she always hears her neighbours fighting and I asked “in a case like this do you think that divorce is ok?” and she gave the usual diversion “this is our culture.”
I realized right there that the INDECOS powerpoint that I had seen earlier for the “Stop Violence against Women” program had meant what I was afraid it meant. It had advised the women to “face challenges” which at the time I had hoped meant to leave the man despite family pressures but now I have discovered meant to stay with the man, even if he is beating you. “We tell them to be nicer to their husbands,” Pearl told me when I asked her about it today, “we think it is better for a child to have a bad father than no father.”
The lawyer who spoke to them was not telling them that they can get a divorce if they need to but just telling them about their human rights so that they would try to change the situation, not leave it.
Guy had spent 6 years in Africa and thinks that the women’s situation is generally much worse here, even though he said that the men in Guinea would tell each other that they must beat their wives once a week to keep them in check. As we learned in the orientation, the violence here is not necessarily physical, but more mental, and I can see this in the way that women’s over-dependency.
Nilu told me last week that she has to ask Pathi before she does anything. She will text him at the bank to ask if she can go and buy eggs or visit a friend. Sometimes he texts back saying “no.”
“Why?” I asked and she told me “because there are many problems like love affairs in Sri Lanka.” And when she states love affairs as her explanation for this obsessive male dominance she does not even mean cheating. When they say affair they simply mean a relationship in which the parents have not picked and/or approved of the spouse.
What we call a fiancé is what they call boyfriend/ girlfriend and what we call a girlfriend or boyfriend is what they call an affair. So, she is basically saying that because girls want to date, and the fact that she was set up with a traditional proposal where she did not know Pathi, he will never trust her and so must exhibit is control around the clock to make himself feel powerful.
And as I sit in shock, taking this all in, Nilhu says with her usual giggle, “what to do, no?” and I realize that she is a 38 year old little girl.
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Busy, busy
This week I have a new volunteer here who I’ve been helping to gather the content for creating the website. It’s great to have someone here to hang out with and again I have again been un-srilankanized, ie. eating out, shopping and walking about and even drinking a beer!
Yesterday and today have been New Years celebrations with the children. So great! So busy, though! And PS We finally got ADSL now! Woot woot!
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Only one month left and so many ideas
The WEP program started with the goal to benefit Tsunami affected women. The current funders are CIDA and Berindina but their contract expires in March so they want to extend it. These women who have skills like making pillow cases or floor mats are given business training and can receive loans with a only a small amount of interest. The program is so good because it’s so practical- the women actually learn how to find a market and sell the products. Unfortunately, it is very difficult to find a market in poor villages and they don’t have any connections to the city. One volunteer actually started a store in Kandy a few years ago and it has been very successful for the women there. It would be ideal if we could start sending the products up there or even eventually start a store here in Matara one day!
Yes, I have many ideas. I am also thinking about whether I could send some products to Canada to sell. A wall decoration that would be about $20 in Colombo would only be $2 here so I think even after the shipping and such you could still sell it at a decent price in Canada. I could sell some stuff at the Sidney sidewalk sale, See if 10,000 Villages needs a new connection, or even Start my own store! The wheels are turning.
Anyway, one thing at a time. If I can get the proposal written then they can get the funding they need to continue the program and get to a point where they can run it without support.
Today the WUSC CEO is coming from Canada so it should be interesting to meet him! And, this weekend us volunteers and such are going to Tasks in Udawalawe.
P.S. I know have 5 saris, 2 cotton ones for comfort, 2 wedding ones for quality and 1 silk one which is more casual and will be good in Canada. I might trade the cotton ones with Madhu because they’re not as pretty for her cheaper and older, but nicer looking, ones.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Have you ever made a snowball?
Never have I seen the benefits of fast food like I do now after seeing women sweating over a stove in the unforgiving heat for 6 hours. At home I try to fight the onslaught of fast food in favour of simple living but here simple living is anything but simple.
Although it can be frustrating to be associated with women from American movies, people in Colombo do have a better understanding of our lifestyles which TV/movies must be given partial credit for. Any understanding of Western, even the bad, means that they understand things are different somewhere else. So while I think there is an overreliance of media sources at home, I see it here as a vehicle for a altering perspective.
Even just the fact that these boys have seen snow on TV means that they have a much bigger understanding of my hobby, snowboarding, whereas you can only begin to try to explain something like that to the girls who are coming to Matara from villages. One boy was so sweet- he asked if I had ever made a snowball because he had seen it on TV but couldn't believe it was possible.
(pic: teaching yoga. i taught Madhu last night, too, and she is very happy because classes here are too expensive but she was so eager to learn).
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
I can see Mel Gibson shouting it now...
There are many issues here that seem way beyond the kind of violence we have at home but then when I think about it these girls would be traumatized if they saw the herion addicts shooting up in Victoria or heard about the gang shootings in Vancouver. They almost see the violence in the West as much worse than here because people are alone to face it.
There are 3 people in the office in their 30’s and for me it is so strange to think that their mom still makes their lunch, but for them it is strange to think that a 17 or 18 year old child would live without parents, not to mention, work! Those that are planning University do not work because they must do very well in high school to be accepted into University. For many of the girls at INDECOS this is their first and only job!
My friend Madhu told me today that her father died, so even though she passed her advance tests, she was going to get a job instead of going to University. Her Uncle knew Conrad though and he gave her a part-time job which helped her through school. She sends about 1000 rupees a month to give her mom food and clothes and pays 1000 to her boarding house, which means when she was in school she would just break even with no spending money! I hope that she is able to get the position in INDECOS that she wants – in the Women’s Entrepreneurship Program- Conrad is reluctant to give her this position because she is educated so is likely to go to the government. But she wants to stay in this job and working in micro-credit & such is really her only chance to travel to Canada (with Uniterra) which is her life ambition.
Although it is wonderful that people have support from family, it also means that children carry such a burden on their shoulders because they are expected to support their parents as their parents have supported them. It is so sad to think that none of these girls- no matter how hard working- will never have enough money to travel on their own accord.
From the first day in Matara I had connected with Conrad & Pearl but it was not until Andy’s visit that I really connected with the Pathirana’s as well. I saw the paternal side of Mr. Pathi, as he announced that if he had a daughter he would want her to be just like Andy. It is funny to hear the observations that other people make. They saw Andy as very young and innocent and Mr. Pathi said I was like her older sister watching over her, haha.
Anyway, last night was his promotion party- he’s now the head of the bank- and we went to a party at a hotel in Weligama. Not only were they offering me whisky but he also encouraged me to use the pool- I was like “uh, I don’t really want to be the only one to go swimming,” and he was like- “now, stop thinking like a Sri Lankan.” I think they liked- no, loved- Andy’s care-free Westernism and are now trying to keep it alive.
I also had a great conversation with Mr. Pathi about women + freedom, much like the conversation I’d had with Conrad about women + choice. He definitely recognizes the limitations of his society and knows that many of the issues are third world ones (corrupt gov’t, desperation and crime), others are also cultural constructs (women= 1 husband). He tells me that so many girls commit suicide because of the men that they have been forced to marry. They do not have the option to marry again and no man would want her. And the crazy thing is that it is rare to find men like Pathi who feel that there is something wrong with this. Even Conrad is still teaching the children that divorce, which is now becoming more common in Colombo, is society’s BIGGEST problem.
Monday, March 24, 2008
CHoiCE
For example, at INDECOS they do not want people with education. The reason is because once someone gets a degree they apply to the gov’t and they might not here back from them for years. There is one woman at INDECOS who didn’t want to take the gov’t job that was offered years after she finished school because she loved working at INDECOS but her family and husband told her she had to. Even though it pays less, there’s always that pension clincher.
Andy made a good point that parents in Canada equip you with a tool box to make choices instead of making them for you. Still, the Sri Lankan’s are right about our lack of unity... we might sit at the office for hours and not talk to anyone- in this office there is rarely silence as each room has 2 or 3 people working together on the same project. If a problem comes up the weight is distributed across more than one set of shoulders. But, although the women here are doing such empowering work in the office, there is no denying that their personal lives are very much run by men. This weekend, for example, Madhu’s boyfriend is coming from another town so that Conrad, her boss (and a father figure to her), can meet and approve of him. She is nervous because if he decided he didn’t like him, it would be over.
Anyway, I think it is kind of ironic that I ended up here in a place where women don’t even want to choose the meal to make when at home I have so many big choices to be making- what do I want to do for a career? Do I want to do more school? Marry? Where do I want to live? And here I am in Sri Lanka, having no idea what the day ahead holds, wondering what I will get for lunch and which house I will be sleeping at in the night. At work I often have no idea what I will be or even should be doing. And as for what I will be doing days ahead of time I have to leave that up to Conrad or Lord Buddha or whoev.
PS They say they are going to get broadband internet at INDECOS but they still have to apply. This means, of course, that it might not happen while I am here. It took Mr. Pathi 14 years after his application for a phone line to receive the approval. For 14 years he had a phone in his house that didn’t work so he would have to use the neighbours.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
ANDELA!
Last night was Rohan's birthday party which was great... Nilhu made one of her infamous cakes and we had a great singing and music session.
Today we went down to Polhena and had a great time snorkelling! I took the advice of an old volunteer and stopped in to rent the gear from a hotel called Blue Corals. As she had said the man was very very nice and took us on a tour. He wanted to give us a deal for knowing Vivian but we would not take it because we knew that his opportunity to do tours did not come around often... oh ya, we were the only white people there, and in bikinis mind you, so we were quite the hit. Haha, but of course, Rohan Aiyaa was there watching to make sure all was well. Haha, Andy has been so surprised about how you are watched over here... I think it would be much harder for her because she is so independent. On the other hand, she has also seen what an amazing experience I have had down here actually becoming part of a Sri Lankan family because she did not have any sort of network in Kandy.
She is also so amazed by the beach- they're calling her Ocean Beauty now because she won't get out of the water, ahah. Anyway, after our experience I now know where the beach is and I know there are some good people to watch me swim so I will go again for sure!
We also ate lunch at the hotel and had drinks... haha, Andy had Arrack (local hard alcohol) which is very shocking to these people to see a girl drink but we didn't really care because we wanted to be tourists all the way.
Anyway, we're off to the temple now!
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Not being thrown out of country! Woot Woot!
Monday, March 17, 2008
MCC Party and Certificate Dilemna
Sunday was the MCC’s 1st year anniversary and it was so much fun! The children from the local boys and girls orphanages came and the MCC children performed for them. The pre-school kids and the older girls did various songs & dances and there was even a young mime. All of the kids wanted to touch my skin and get photos with me. I was also wearing my friend Madhu’s sari so the INDECOS girls also wanted pics with me.
It was funny when at one point all the kids had a little dance party. Again, I cannot express how funny it is to see the men dance here! There is really not much difference between the way the boys and girls dance so you see the boys making the eyes and shaking their hips. I will just have to show you the footage when I get home. There is just no way to fully describe it.
For some bad news... WUSC SL called Friday to say they were going to have to send me back to Canada. You see, after a few days of being in Colombo, Andy and I were both asked for our grad certificates which they said they needed in order to get our work permits. We were both like, say what? Of course, we had no idea that a gov’t would need these... and even in a week of training this was never mentioned to us by WUSC. There was a point were I had to scan the certificate to Ottawa but this was very early on so I thought it had to do with my acceptance into the program.
Anyway, I knew as soon as I heard that I needed this certificate that this was going to be a hassle. I called Aaron right away and told him that I needed the original certificate asap. I told him that it was in my closet in a picture frame but he didn’t see it so I said check the file cabinet “ok, I found it.” The one with the gold star, right? Not a photocopy.”
“Ya, I think so.”
“No. I need the original. Does it have a different material gold star?’
“uh, ya.”
It took almost 2 weeks to arrive and then a few days after that WUSC SL noticed... it was a photocopy.
A good one but still a photocopy.
They phoned me saying this is a major problem and if they don’t get it soon I will be illegal.
So I have to wake up Aaron at 2 am to tell him, “I was sure it was in my closet in a big frame. It’s not there.”
“oh, found it.”
“Ok, please send this as fast as possible because I am going to be illegal soon.”
He sends it regular mail.
So here I am in Sri Lanka, being told that Canadians don’t take things seriously and that not only will I be sent back but I will have to pay $50 a day for everyday I’ve been illegal. Luckily for me, this problem is now on hold because Conrad has a friend who is going to speak to the director of immigration for me this week so I will be able to at least get this process started before the certificate arrives. I might still have to pay at least $300. It is worth it for this trip but it is another reality check about this NGO.
I encourage you to volunteer- it has been an experience beyond anything I could have ever imagined, but you have to be the kind of person who can roll with the punches when things aren’t looking good, AND ASK WUSC questions. If I had asked Sylvie why she needed my education certificate I would have discovered that it was to send to Sri Lanka and then I would have found out that some countries require this so that they can make sure you are an asset they need. I think the solution to this communication problem is to learn all that you can from another volunteer about your specific country because I never got to speak with anyone who specifically handled Sri Lanka. So, if you want to contact me when I get home about volunteering here, please do.
In addition to the this certificate I have also been waiting all month to receive my original contract from WUSC CA which the gov’t also needs a signed copy of in order to finish my permit process.
Even with all this stress though, Harshani mentioned again that I should stat for a year and it is not totally out of the question. I wish it was more like 6 months though because I know I am eventually going to start to miss home. But at home I will miss everything here, too. Everything except for waking up thinking that house is on fire because of the burning plastic smell searing into my lungs. Oh ya, and the honking. And the endless rice to accompany the lack of exercise and constant sweating and the burned skin in my mouth from the chillies, often diced up and hiding in the deceivingly inoffensive looking yellow sauce. Ok, so maybe not everything.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
the homecoming...culture shock or admiration...not sure which
The homecoming (like another reception) was very at a beautiful location and the bride and groom looked amazing. It also led me to some big epiphanies.
In Canada, marriage means you gain a few in-laws- you will now have a new set of parents and a sibling or two, right? Well here, it is literally two families, cousins and everything, joining to make a whole new unit. It is difficult to explain how interwoven these families become- mostly why they see divorce is such a terrible thing- they don’t like to break up the family.
As the brides family walked in behind the bride they each bowed to & had their heads touched by the groom’s parents. When we went inside there was then a ceremony performed by a village person where he is asking the other family if they will accept her into their home. I had been under the impression that this was for a week or two but now I understand that this could be, especially if you are the youngest son who inherits the house, forever! If the family has money then they build the older sons new houses. It is so hard for me to grasp this that you are a child until you are married. Your mother makes sure you have all your meals and your father often finding you a husband.
Then you become the wife/ daughter in a new family.
Not only do you never make choices like who your husband will be or where you want to live but I am talking about never making ANY choices! Until you are married, your parents will tell you what you are doing the next day and at what time and once married your husband or his family will tell you. As far as I can see, you don’t even choose what you want for dinner- you ask what you should make.
And, when we arrived home at 3am you’d think that everyone would be eager to get to bed but what do I hear outside my bedroom door- Pearl cooking! I was concerned about having just a short 5 hour sleep ahead of me and here they are thinking about food. They both slept for only an hour and woke up at 5am- Pearl to do laundry and Conrad to work. I really don’t get why for once they can’t just have toast for breakfast??? There have been times when Pearl has said that we would “just have bread” but what she always seemed to mean when she said that was bread with butter, rice, dhal and plantains. I don’t think there is such thing as a simple meal.
I cannot explain to you how much food is valued and sleep is devalued here- the mattresses and like 30 years old and you are lucky if you get the ones where springs dig into your back because the other ones are just rock hard. I won’t even describe the pillows.
Anyway, there is a lot of talk here about how the Western countries have so much divorce. And I totally agree with them on that but they see it like a virus and are scared that it is making it’s way over to their country. They think the couple is just selfish, not thinking about their children but they really don’t get the fact that a child can be just as damaged by growing up in a house where the parents dislike each other. I guess they don’t see that as a possibility- if the horoscope matched and the families agreed they were a suitable match why wouldn’t they be?
Again, it is too difficult to explain the whole context from which they view an individual’s personalities. In Canada, we think of each person with a different set of habits, interests, character flaws, goals, norms, mind set, etc. Here, you are your family.
On one hand, I see that everyone is happy with this- they feel connected at all times and don’t feel attachment to their ego because they don’t think of themselves as an individual. For example, the girls will ask me which one is fatter. Like us, they don’t want to be fat but, unlike us, they don’t have any attachment to being thin so they don’t see the question as being offensive. I now have them using the word “full-figured” now because I refused to answer the question otherwise. They must think I am so strange.
I won’t get to the other hand.
We might have similar questions surrounding a marriage but the main difference is that the parents here will simply say no to a match because the boy or girls family lives too far away or are just not rich enough! We think this is shallow but in a third world country it's about security & survival.
Monday, March 10, 2008
She pulls out Mr.Bean!
The wedding was so fantastic- I can’t believe how beautiful the Galle Face hall was! Fiona & Hugh: you guys are so lucky to have stayed there!!! I was also a little jealous of the tourists who were wearing bikinis & sipping cocktails by the pools but I could also see from the Sri Lankan way- what a strange way to spend your time! I was proud to be Sri Lankan- giggling with the ladies in the bathroom about the discomfort of the sari, and joining in the wedding ceremony 100%- I mean, how funny is it that I sat with the wedding party? Because I am Pearl’s duwa (daughter), and the groom is her son-in-laws brother, I am also a relative. Just check out this picture where I am right in with the bride and groom! I was in the professional ones, too!
The ceremony was really interesting with the Kandyan dancers and chanting and the fire lighting and all, and unlike our usual ceremonies it didn’t drag on for more than about ½ an hour. But after this was the usual photo time and the bride and groom have to go to each table to be congratulated so lunch wasn’t for a couple of hours. When it finally came I was soooooo badiginny (hungry) and there was so much delicious food. I also got re-acquainted with my old friend the fork. And I was the only one using it. Some held on to their culture, and the rice with their hand, and others used a combination of two spoons.
Wearing the sari was nice because the hotel was air-conditioned, but as soon as I got outside I felt like I was going to suffocate from either the heat or explode at the stomach - the sari has a way of digging in to your organs after a good meal and especially the thick wedding sari is not exactly made with comfort in mind. To relieve my pain, I very discreetly made a change in the backseat- it was not so easy in a pin-filled sari but I thought I was quite masterful. When we stopped soon after Pearl was about to ask if I wanted to get out to change- but when she turned around she saw that I already was.
“You’re crazy!” she said and I think she was a little mad. But later, she began laughing “you are like Mr.Bean, brushing his teeth and changing in his car. Like Mr. Bean!” I told her how my mom called me Ellie May Clampett and made my best attempt to explain.
Anyways, on my way home I thought about how insanely well I am being treated. I got the trip to Colombo and participation at a beautiful wedding without anyone accepting a cent. I am going on Weds to the homecoming though (party after the wedding) so I will have to bring something small. I was also chatting with Rohan and explaining to him that the experience was unlike any I could have ever imagined. I hope anyone who is considering volunteering in SL understands how safe they will feel once they are here and how glad they will be that they came. Every volunteer who has come to SL so far has extended their stay! Do it, do it!
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Even monks are all about chocolate
Preparations for this event began weeks ago- when they started painting the house and last night guests arrived to start cooking. This morning when I woke up at 6:30, even more people stirred around in the kitchen- some came all the way from Colombo, driving 5 hours, to get blessed. Of these people were some French visitors- some worked in the French Embassy and others for Red Cross, so it was nice to speak with them. And wait with them for the monks- it was like Christmas morning or something.
When they finally arrived (Sir Lankan style- 45 min late) they had their feet washed and then they entered the house. Everyone prayed and then the monks ate. Not just ate but ate... A LOT! First, they had a vegetable plate with vegetable soup, then rice with various curries and fish, then a fruit plate, then dessert- you can see for yourself what that looked like. I don’t know why I found it so amusing that among all the baked goods was a mini dairy milk bar.
They don’t eat all of the food. They offer them these plates and they can eat what they want from it and the rest gets thrown away. What is left from the food they refused goes to the poor. I found this whole thing fascinating. It’s strange to see the little boy monks and wonder whether they even knew what they were getting themselves into when they “signed up.” Anyway, soon after the monks eating, they were served coffee and then they headed back to the temple. Next if was out turn to eat! At first I wondered how 100 people were going to be fed but I guess I underestimated the supply because it was actually pretty ridiculous how much food there was! Ahah, Pearl and I laughed at how full some of the plates were. And the buffet was never ending- over the next hour more and more people came, loading up their plates more than the last.
After the event, I went back to Pearl’s and we ironed out Sari’s. Sounds like a 10 minute process right? Try 3 hours! I’m beginning to wonder if I will ever be able to wear this at home because I don’t have that kind of dedication to clothing. I am getting another one made though and it should be much more simple because of the material (fingers crossed).
Friday, March 7, 2008
Lord Buddha’s Wish
Rich is so different here. As I said with the poor people dressing very well and having cell phones, the rich people have mould on their walls, ants on their kitchen counter, and cockroaches in their bathrooms.
I was talking to Rohan (or Aiyaa, older brother) and he was explaining to me they eat meat because the Buddhist writings say they can’t kill another living thing but doesn’t mention eating it if someone else has killed it.
Lucky for me both my weekday and weekend families eat mostly fish only in their curry so it suits me well. The food blows my mind at every meal. Most of the time Pearl spends about 2 hours making red rice, dhal & coconut curry. For a change she makes rotti or hoppers (like a thin pancake with an egg in the center). The meals are very healthy if you avoid the sugary tea and ice cream they try to load you up with after. They also LOVE to feed you plantains. “Eat some plantains” they say after almost every tea, which is 4 or 5 times a day.
The gender thing is bugging me a bit, mostly the fact that men drink and women can’t (they say they don’t want to but if it was that simple then they wouldn’t be criticizing the ones that do). Sometimes I hold my tongue, more because it will take more effort to translate my opinion than to avoid offending. Pearl understands that there are pros and cons for both cultures. For example, she doesn’t judge what Western girls wear because I think she gets that women are safer in Canada. But, she did say that her daughter and the INDECOS girls would never be silly enough to wear a bathing suit.
And she also made a comment once about how they would not be silly enough to marry an uneducated man. It’s hard to explain that my bf is not university educated and that I am. I guess the fact that University tuition is covered by government scholarships means that University graduates have more money, rather than less, and are guaranteed to get a better job. You definitely see the caste system still, showing up in how people talk to each other and where they eat, but mostly in marriage. Even more powerful than the caste, though, is the horoscope. Parents would not permit “children” to marry unless the horoscope matches well.
Pearl and Conrad were actually an exception because they dated secretly for 10 years, not caring what anyone said, before they finally convinced their parents to let them marry. The problem for them was not the usual horoscope dilemma but the fact that they are first cousins! I don’t think they think as much about this because believing in reincarnation it just makes sense to them that they would know each other already. Part of Pearl’s prayers every night actually includes asking to be with Conrad and her children in the next life. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s throwing me in the prayer mix now too because she says that travellers like me are people looking for family from the birth before.
Partly this experience makes me want to volunteer everywhere and partly it makes me not want to go to any other assignment – another country or even town, because I think I am being spoiled to the max with this one. It’s partly the Sri Lankan People’s hospitality in general but, in addition to this, I think it is this particular family that I somehow was lucky fell into.
Pearl always laughs when I talk about luck, “Not luck. Lord Buddha’s wish. We tink like tat.”
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Two lunches to punish my tastebuds even more!
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Funeral to Wedding
Another question that comes up upon introduction is "brothers, sisters?" It is part of their introduction... Mage nama Angela, Mama Nangi (younger sister). The older girls actually call me Nangi and the younger, Akka, when they are not calling me Ms. Angeline, Angie or sudunoona. Haha, they haven't quite put thier finger on Angela.
I am going to a funeral today with Amma- a friend she went to school with died from cancer. I suspect it will be very different from our funerals- more of a celebration. They seem to accept death differently. Like when Conrad was telling me about the day after the tsunami when he went looking for Sri Pauli (eomployee and teacher) he said there were dead bodies everywhere, and he was chuckling? It's the reincarnation thing I guess. Anyway, I can tell you more about the funeral later.
I might also get to go to a wedding on March 8 if I don't have to stay here for the International Women's Day party! Woot woot! I'm going to see if Andy can come, too, because it is at the Galle Face Hotel in Colombo. Amma is getting a sari made for me.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Still taking pictures, even when lost
I started to notice that things weren't looking right but I kept walking until I saw a lady. She got her daughter to come out of their coconut stand and she knew a little English. Not enough though! So I called Nilu, my new house Amma, and she called her husband and he called me back, etc. The girl told him where I was and he called the office to send me Wasantha and the tuk-tuk. The girl invited my inside her shack/bedroom/store and offered me a seat.
When I got to INDECOS I was about an hour late and all the girls were stressing out. They were all crowded around waiting to see that I was ok and I got scolded for not wearing a watch. Haha. They found it particularly funny that while everyone was so worried I was just hanging out conversing with this 16 year-old and I had taken the picture to prove it.
I'm going to print the picture and take it to the girl with a granola bar or clothes or something to say thanks becuase as I left she asked "you come back, no?"
I'm telling you, this is how welcoming these Sri Lankans are! It's crazy.
Anyway, I should get back to work. It's only across the street so hopefully I can find it.
Monday, February 25, 2008
New house & other random ramblings
I have the upstairs suite to myself including a fridge, a rooftop and clean bathroom- in my last place I was geeting used to stepping on the unavoidable ants crawling all over the floor because it's rude to wear shoes. Sometimes I'd sneak them in under my towel though. I love the not wearing shoes thing because when it's hot and you have to keep so much skin covered you need something to be free.
I'm finding my style here though- learning what is acceptable and what you'll get you some strange looks. It turns out that the rules are more lenient than I thought- they're just different. Tight shirts are fine, white shirts that you can see through are ok, even some shoulder is no problem, it's just the spagetti straps and short shorts/skirts that must be avoided. Pearl was laughing the other day when I was asking her about one of my shirts. "You tink too much" she said and she's probably right.
I was asking her all about her Buddhist beliefs last night. I was told ahead of time but still expected that the Buddism here would be more of a philosophy like in other parts of Asia but here it has really become a religion with rules and scripture and daily worshiping. Everywhere you go you here people thanking the Lord which I mentally associate with Christain thinking rather than Buddhist. There's no yoga here :( but I promised to teach Madhu and the other girls. I am also teaching them power point and presentation skills next week, and right now I am improving their brochures and writing a report about the Children's Center as it has now been open for 1 year. I was also asked to write a proposal to keep one of the women's entrepeneurial programs going for another year.
On Friday I'll be heading out with Conrad to a very remote willage to check out one of the education programs they have going on there. On Sunday I went to the environmental training but I found it very basic compared to what we learn- they learn about water and animals & such. The children are sooooooo studious. They listen carefully when the teacher is speaking and always, even if they see a teacher in town, they bow before them to worship.
Most of the girls want to become doctors. It's great that they are encouraged to go to school & study but it doesn't mean that they are equal- just means that families here can't survive on one income. I was asking Pearl about how if everyone looks well dressed and has food to eat what was poor and she said that poor meant that you could not afford "the good food or the education." I met someone the other day who dressed like they worked in an office in the West and had a new cell phone but when we dropped him at his house he lived in a tiny shack with several family members. Clearly, he is supporting his whole family with his job at INDECOS.
You are considered a girl here until you are about 25, so most of the employees at INDECOS are still "girls". For the most part they act very young, too, giggling a lot but also because they "obey" Conrad who they all call "the Mr." It is a patriarchy all the way and you have Muslim girls, who are not allowed to get educated, running training programs to do with education. The office setting is very different here and I am still trying to figure it out.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Brief Update
Thursday, February 21, 2008
So much to stay, so sticky keyboad and slow connection
All 15 pre-schoolers are very poor but you can't tell because they are all wearing uniforms & also because clothes are cheap here even poor people are dressed well. A blouse costs about a dollar or 2. Amma took me shopping yesterday and I got 3 long skirts and three blouses for about $30. All I would wear at home.
The children at the center are calling me suduakka, white sister. It is so sweet. They are all so tiny. The older children are very good at english and very smart. They have to keep good grades to get their scholarships from Sweden. Swedish girls came yesterday for a study & came over for dinner. Pearl and Conrad love to entertain! Actually, the working women cook here for about 2 hours in the morning, then work for 8 hours, then cook for another 2 at night, then maybe do housework. It brings new meaning to the concept of the woman's double burden when there are no pop tarts. Food for these people is so important and cooking & eating is such a huge part of their day! The girls from work will actually come over to help Pearl prepare though and sometimes sleep over.
It is so interesting to see how this org works. They eat together during the day and we have a tuk tuk & driver so that we are safe. I feel VERY (hari) safe here! But still, even living on a cinnamon farm out of town, I am not to answer the door and last night when Amma and I were talking and we heard noices she told me "Shhh... we must listen when noise. It's noting but tings happen in Sri Lanka." Generally, as long as I do not go anywhere along like the beach I will be safe because I have so many people around me. Plus, the average Sri Lankan is so kind. Sometimes they look mad but then I smile and they always smile back. I don't yet know how to read facial expressions.
The best was at the temple on Poya. The kids in particular would just stare at me in amazement- especially when I was worshipping. Apparently it was because many people would be coming from out of town & so they thought me white skin was magic! The temple was so beautiful.
I still have not been to the beach but driving down the coast was a beautiful ride and much less traffic than drive to Kandy.
I have seen the house I will live in and it is very nice. As usual, there is a fish pond in the entrance but the colours are exceptional- red, yellow, green. I will miss staying where I am but I promised to come for dinner a few nights a week.
As for work, I am learning to be a Mr.Slow. This is where my patience and being in the moment will be tested. Today, the work comp gave my laptop a virus through my flashdrive. I can't see my desktop anymore. Maybe I will have to reformat? Anyway, I have not gotten much accomplished in terms of the marketing material yet but that is ok because I am still getting to know about what the organizations are about anyway.
I can't wait to bring home my pamphlets because I think people will really want to donate to this cause!!! I was telling Conrad about how we donate to World Vision at Christmas and he was saying that he took a volunteer the child's house that they were donating to and found out the child recieved very little of the money. With this funding it goes directly to the poor child and there is constant checking to make sure the family is not using the money for anything but the education. Yesterday when the Swedish girls asked the kids what they wanted to do if they could do anything they all said either doctors or engineers and each one said to help their family!
Monday, February 18, 2008
Good-bye Andy... have fun in Kandy!
Her bf was here so we spent the day being tourists and went to Mt. Lavinia. We were given the advice from our Sri Lankan friends to enter through a hotel so that we would be safer in the company of other tourists. We didn't fully grasp the importance of this until we entered through the hotel & came out on the locals side. I can tell you the stares that you get while in a locked SUV with a Sri Lankan as your driver are not easy enough to ignore but being two white blonde girls (and Dave) on the beach with 20 SL teenagers who think that white= Baywatch is another story.
We scurried over the rocks to the other side. where we found security guards watching the beach so that we did not have to worry about theft/harassment when they went swimming and left me alone or when I get swimming (undercurrent). The beach was beautiful and got melooking forward to Matara.
Dropping off Andy today, I got to check out her center & accommodations which look really great. Her apartment is huge- 2 bedrooms, 2 toilets, and a huge open front room & deck with a gorgeous view of the surrounding mountains. This apartment costs about $150 (and that is after inflation!)... I am so retiring here! Anyway, I hope that I can, at some point, visit her. Kandy is much cooler, much greener then where I will be going and where she will be living and working seems very safe, being outside of Kandy-town.
On the way home Harshani asked me if I wanted to stay for a year because there is a position open at the INDECOS office. I told her that it is tempting at this point but I think that the honeymoon phase I'm in could come to an end any day now, although I shouldn't manifest that. It's just that right now I am loving everything about this place. And it feels like the culture shock is not going to be in SL but in Canada when I get home and I am reminded that men don't hold hands and wear skirts; two cars normally pass on a 2 lane road, not 3, or even 4; babies & children are not normally held on the front of fast ridden motorbikes; and shoulders, knees, and body parts in general, are not hidden under layers of protection.
But the biggest culture shock that I will probably experience in Canada is that in a country one of your best advantages is being able to eat nearly ANYTHING in the world and we have somehow managed to come up with the idea of eating plastic (mayonaise) laden burgers. EW!
And worse, we spread this idea into these other countries like a fast spreading disease. India is actually becoming one of the biggest diabetic nations and I don't think this is from curry!
I already want to retreat back to Chilaw village and choose the floor for sleep and the sun for light so that I can eat fish, coconut, tomatoes, pineapple and greens and dance/laugh/sing year round.
Oh ya! So, I was talking to Harsh and I decided I am going to buy a ton of cards to help this community fund so email me if you want to buy any cards- they are paper mache with nice paper designs on them & cost about 50 cents each. I don't know how many to get... 100?200? 400? so I can gage it a bit if anyone shows interest. Or I can just use them as my seasonal for the rest of my life. They're really pretty and the cause itself should really make the most loyal brand monger want to see ya to Halmark!!! I'll explain the details more when I get home.